Odd couple of days
It’s definitely been an odd few days, can’t really seem to figure out why. I’ve been hyper, flat, down and happy in seemingly random order with a lovely side helping of out-of-the-blue anxiety. It’s making it difficult for me to talk to people, I don’t feel like I can contribute much to conversations (on or offline) so I’ve been starting to avoid social contact, which really isn’t like me. If I seem or have seemed a little distant this week to anybody close, that is why and I apologise – it’s truly nothing personal.
I’ve been getting an increasingly regular and to my mind completely inexplicable surge in what feels like panic. It’s very difficult to explain, but I am feeling that surge of adrenaline that you get when you’re terrified – often starting early in the day – that will increase in intensity over the course of the day. Sometimes it will drop away out of the blue, other times it will dissipate when I’m distracted by my guitar or gaming and other times nothing seems to touch it – not even the Diazepam. The weirdest part of it is that I’m not really experiencing a huge increase in other anxiety symptoms (shaking, rushing thoughts, dizziness, intrusive thoughts etc) and it doesn’t seem to be affecting the tics much. Usually this sort of symptom would be associated with or bring on an attack, but it isn’t.
Yesterday was the worst it’s been yet, the anxious feeling increased to the point where that nervous internal ache became slightly painful and actually started to put me in to a full spin out, all I could do at one point was put my head in my hands (after taking some meds) and try and ride it out. Not really sure what to do at this point, in honesty.
Apologies for the lack of light-hearted tone today.